Go and die! Just fuck off from my life!
Someday, you will get back everything you gave me.

Fuck you bitch.

Im going through hell.

Please give me th strength that I need.

Second thoughts about everything.

Why so fickle-minded?

We're taught that in life, we should try to look on th bright side, to be optimistic. Not in this case. In this case, look on th dark side. Assume rejection first. Assume youre th rule, not th exception.

If th guy youre dating doesnt seem to be completely into you, or you feel th need to start 'figuring him out', please consider th glorious thought that he might just not be into you. And then free yourself to go find the one that is. Move on, sister! Cut your losses and dont waste time. Why stay in some weird dating limbo when you can move on to what will surely be better territory?

A man would rather be trampled by elephants that are on fire than to tell you that hes just not that into you. If a guy is into you, he will call you.

Here's th truth: Guys dont mind messing up a friendship if it could lead to sex, whether it be a 'fuck buddy' situation of a meaningful romance. If you hear him say "I dont want to ruin our friendship." Give him a tight slap. I hate to tell you but that whole 'I dont want to ruin the friendship' excuse is a racket. It works so well because it seems so wise. The "Maybe he wants to take it slow" excuse. If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that immediately. He wont keep you guessing, because he'll want to make sure you dont get frustrated & go away.

An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of 'ruining the friendship'. Hes just not that into you if hes not calling you. Men know how to use the phone. The 'But hes got a lot on his mind" excuse. When you like someone, they dont just slip your mind.

It seems like a good excuse, but in fact, in every silo you uncover, all youre going to find is a man who didnt care enough to call. Remember: Men are never too busy to get what they want. If he's not calling you, its because you're not on his mind. 'Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy youre dating.

Guys tell you how they feel even if you refuse to listen of believe them. 'I don't want to be in a serious relationship' truly means 'I don't want to be in a serious relationship with you'. Sorry. The 'He's afraid to get hurt again' excuse. If he were in love with you, he wouldn't be able to help himself from getting involved in a romantic relationship regardless of his fear or past experience. If something is wrong in a relationship, there's a bright, mature idea: Talk about it. Don't let any man blame you for his infidelity. Ever.

Lets call cheating what it is: a complete betrayal of trust. There is no excuse for cheating. Let me say it again. There is no excuse for cheating. Now you say it. There is no excuse for cheating. Cheating is cheating. It doesnt matter whom it was with or how many times it happened. Know you deserve not just an affectionate, attention boyfriend, but you deserve an affectionate, attentive, sober one. Bad boys are actually bad. If he only wants to see you, talk to you, have sex with you, etc., when hes inebriated, it ain't love -its sport. Don't spend your time and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything related to his feelings for you. He's just not that into you if he's breaking up with you. 'I don't want to go out with you' means just that. Build a bridge, and get over it.

Everyone wants to be loved and needed particularly by the person who just broke up with us. The 'But he misses me' excuse. Don't be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You're deeply miserable. However, hes still the same person who just broke up with you and tore your heart apart. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because hes choosing, every day, not to be with you.

The "But then he wants to get back together' excuse. This is what that guy is doing during your relationship recess: Hes sniffing around for something better, and when he doesn't find it, he gets lonely and comes "home". Its not that hes so into you. Its that hes so not into being alone.

Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult decision. Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same fool who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company.

Don't confuse being classy with being a doormat. Classy is walking away with your head held high, graciously, and with dignity. Being a doormat is offering to drive him to the dentist for his root canal. One simple rule, ladies: Always be classy. Never be crazy.You cant talk your way out of a breakup. It is not up for discussion. A breakup is a definitive action, not a democratic one. There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.

He's just not that into you if he's disappeared on you. Sometimes you have to get closure all by yourself. He's gone. Poof! Vanished into thin air. Well, there's no mixed message here. He's made it clear that he's so not into you that he couldn't even bother to leave you a Post-it.The 'But can't I at least yell at him?" excuse. In a short term it might feel good to call someone and yell at him. But in the long run, you will wished that you had not given him much credit for ruining your life. The 'But I just want an answer' excuse. Do you deserve to know what went wrong or what happened? Yes. But fortunately for you, I can tell you what happened. You were dating a jerk.

Sometimes a person's behavior is so abhorrent that it leaves little doubt as to what to do. The big mistake you made was choosing that person to begin with. The quickest way to rectify that mistake is by learning from that, moving on, and choosing much more wisely in the future. And quick, before any more of your precious time is wasted.

The reason its so painful when someone disappears, is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed. Don't ask yourself what you did wrong or how you could have done it differently. Don't waste your valuable heart and mind trying to figure out why he did what he did. Or thinking back on all the things he said, and wondering what was the truth and what was the lie. The only thing you need to know is that its really good news: He's gone. Hallelujah. And, no matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.

Regardless of how much his relationship sucks or how awful his girlfriend is to him, it obviously isn't that bad or he would get out of it. A good relationship should not be lived in secrecy. Go find yourself one that worth living out loud.

I know things seem a lot easier when your affair is with a guy whose girlfriend is an evil, shrieking, insulting hag. No matter what their relationship or circumstances are, you are still helping a guy cheat on his girlfriend. Let's agree you're better than that. Unless he's all yours, he's still hers. Dont be that girl. And that girl is what Id like to call a home wrecker. A home wrecker is nothing else but a bitch. If you don't want it to happen to you, don't do it to others. SIMPLE as that. Forget about him and his good qualities. Even forget about his bad ones. Forget about all his excuses and what he promises. Ask yourself one question only: Is he making you happy?

The 'He's really trying to be better' excuse. Try not to be four years into a relationship when it suddenly dawns of you that the guy you're with is a big, selfish jerk. Chances are, 'Jerk Boy' has been trying to show you who he is since day one. You already have one asshole. You don't need another. You are exceptional, but not the exception! Please remember that.

- Hes Just Not That Into You

You said it. I heard it.

You wont see me anymore.

Goodbye to you.

I shall be gone~ Hoho.

Because currently, Im just unhappy and sad & just frustrated with everything. Its like youre really showing me whats my worth in your life & again, its simply nothing. I know & I really know, just that I cant accept this fucking fact, after all that had happened between us & after all that we've been through. So its my fault? Yes.

And if youre wondering, yes, I knew about it. Its th first thing that I know when I wokeup this morning & can you imagine what Im feeling? Was getting ready to go to work & all these just had to spoil my mood & everything and thus, th emotional breakdown. 5 pm till morning eh, tell me what can you two possibly do in a park? Having only each other around, tell me what is not possible? But Im even more disappointed in you cause it was your off day, yet you didnt even mention anything to me. From th day that you started working there, Ive been looking forward to your day off cause I was dying to spend th day with you. You ended work late everytime anyway, so I guess theres no time for me? Yes, Im having my attachment now & Im not free until evening, but theres always malam right? Its not as though youre not used to going out at night & come back home till late in th morning. And its just so heart-wrenching to know that you went out with her for arnd 8 fucking hours on th first day off that you have. Awesome much? When it comes to me, I will be like wanting to go here or there & you'll be like "jauh la. boring la." and all th whatever bullshit that you can come up with. Wahh, Labrador Park is VERY near right?

And you. I know who you are. I know how you will act around guys. And I know how "miang" you are. But you do know me. You do know who he is to me & you fucking know th fact that Im not over him still & I still fucking love him. So whats all these? There are many other guys around. Why him? I know youre dying, wanting to ride a bike. I know. But dont you think this is just... Sigh. Im just being unreasonable now. Who am I to him? Nothing. So I cant control who he wanna go out with right? Its his life, his freedom. He have every right to do so.

Really, sometimes I wish that you will just die. True that I'll be more emotionally disturbed than what I am now because you will be gone & never coming back, but at least I'll have a reasonable reason to be sad about anything that has got to do with you. Unlike now, which are just so unreasonable & petty of me. And at least, no other girls can have you other than me. Yes, I am that selfish. As much as others dislike it, I hate it even more.

Though I rant everywhere, be it here or at twitter, I know there will be times where I will go against my words because most of th time, my emotions took control of what Im feeling at th moment. Then again, does it even matter anyway? Cause at least, Im speaking my mind. On top of all these hoohaa, there are only 2 things that Ive been yearning for all these while ;

To be strong & to be happy.

Sadly, these two are nowhere near right now. So I guess I just have to live with it. And yes, I need to learn to face it. Face all these shits that has been happening in my life.

And most importantly,

You should really learn how to appreciate people and their presence in your life. Seriously. For all th things that Ive helped you with, there was never a time when you even say a simple '"thank you" to me. Am I supposed to be taken for granted? Maybe youre too used to it, thats why. Not that Im being calculative here, no. But I just realised.

Like how you met with an accident th other time. I was there, from th time that I got a call from you, until your friends are done with th things to do to your bike that morning. I got home & showered, and accompanied you again until afternoon because you said you need some company. We werent in th best of term at that point of time because of something and still, I was there. But th moment your friends were around, you totally forgot about me. You forgot that I existed. You just forgot. Yes, I know that they matter more. I know that you love your bike more than anything now. But who was there with you before you had all these? Me!

From th moment where we simply took bus and train to travel, or just walk to wherever that we wanna go, I was there all along. And I was th one who accompany you to wherever you want to go, before you even have all these luxury. I was th one who were there for you, despite all th emotional abuse that you gave me. Easier said, I was there from th start. From th moment where you were nothing & had nothing, to th current you now. And yes, I still remembered every single thing. And what am I in your life now? Just nothing.

True when they say that abandonment can hurt a girl th most, because thats what you gave me. For all th things that Ive done for you, you took it for granted & neglected me in return. Yes, you simply neglected me. You ignored me, you just dont care about me anymore. Any idea th emotional pain that I went through? Any idea how much it hurts, battling with my emotions every single time? Any idea how crazy it drives me at times? How great is that, you tell me? Then again, if you were to suddenly call me and ask for help, I know you know that most probably, I will help you with it. Why? Because all along, I was there, and you know that I always will be. True enough?

Now that youre working, you claim that you no longer have time for me because you are busy. I have to say, youre really good in coming up with excuses, seriously. Too busy until theres not even a minute to text or even reply my text? Bullshit. It clearly shows that you just dont care. Really, its fucking obvious because I know that I just dont cross your mind. Well, who am I anyway right? Haha. And another thing you forgot, I was th one who help you to get this job. And any thanks from you? No.

Today, you made me realise that youre simply not worth it. Like Ive told you, I hate you for all th pain youve caused me. I hate you for always doing this to me. Giving me false hope when you know that you dont mean anything, over and over again. Then again, I guess youre only nice when Im right here in your presence. Other than that, I dont seem to exist right? But on top of all these, I hate myself even more for being so weak. And Im even more mad with myself for letting me go through all these although I know that I deserve even better than this.

As for now, theres one thing that you should know. I will go through hell to forget you, no matter how long it will take. I survived 5 years of hell anyway. So, whats new right?

[:

Can it get any more pathetic than this?

Hello wello.

First week of attachment is finally over. But theres still 7 more weeks to go. For once, Im looking forward to my weekends cause its th day where I dont need to wakeup so early. Then again, I cant really enjoy or sit back & relax cause my first assessment will be next week. Therefore, need to rush a couple of things cause theres a lot thinhs that needs to be done.

First week of school was okay I guess? Still need to adapt to th environment still cause theres still some awkwardness & I havent really open up yet. So yeah. It takes time I guess? Nevertheless, there are a few kids in my class who are so adorable that I feel like bringing them back home. Haha, serious shit. With all th kiud little smiles & those dimples, their mini size. Very very kiud! Me likey many many. Hee.

Not to forget, a boy from another class randomly say "Teacher Aynn, I like you" on th first day of school, although I dont even know him & vice versa. Two days later, he said th same thing again & I just smile. What can be more adorable than that? Hahaha. Getting hugs & kisses from children, its just heart-warming. Then again, their naughty side can be rather unbearable cause they are still stubborn somehow. But whatever, it all takes time. I still wish that all these will end soon, as much as I think that time passes by very quickly whenever Im in th centre. But I guess its not smth that Im passionate about, so I guess Im just going through th process. That kind of thing. Heh.

Dinner with Izdi, Zoe, Ain & Wati yesterday was great. Did some catching up & of course, storytelling & stuffs. Realised that its been a while since we last talked to one another, literally. Kinda missed going to school. Missed how we used to complain about th school being so far, yet we missed going there now cause obviously, we all preferred going to school as compared to this IA. Then again, it will all end very soon. So, will just endure~

Lots of things on my mind, but I guess some things are better left unsaid. Who cares anyway?

(:

Will start my attachment in a few hours time. Well, 7 hours to be exact. Im so not looking forward to it cause I dont really know what to expect. Then again, I guess it will be a new experience for me? Hopefully everything went smoothly la okay.

All th best to th people who will be going for their attachment as well.

:D

Yes, you left. Not me.

Thank god nothing serious happened to you or I just wont know what to do.

Please be fine & just takecare, no matter where you are. Thats all I ask of you. Speedy recovery soon okay.

But then again, why now? And when will you ever learn?

:/

Im not ready still. When will I ever wake up / come to my senses?

Or perhaps, memory loss?