"Under th facade of your igloo life persona actually hides a raging, never ceasing wildfire love for him. Your love is so ever determined & unfazed by what comes your way. Even if a storm is coming to wash out your fire, th tiniest flame of yours just refuses to die out, but instead slowly illuminates again much much stronger this time."

♥

It doesnt matter anymore anyway cause we are going our separate ways. It doesnt make sense but you will never understand anyway unless youre in my shoes. Then again, I know its hard. But I gotta do it even if its killing me.

Not to forget, supposedly 5oth yesterday.

And 3 days to th end.

Im scared.

Hello wello.

Th day was spent with Syafiq. Our initial plan was to go to Jurong Hill, but he decided to go somewhere else instead. So we went to Little Guilin located at Bukit Batok. I heard of that place before but it didnt occur to me that I will even go there cause Im not sure where its located at. Haha, so yeah. Th place is beautiful cause it made me feel like Im not in Singapore. Hahaha! Kental eh? So, spent some time together & such, then we're off to West Coast Park to catch th sunset. Sempat tau kite feeling feeling amek gambar with th sunset. Hehehe. Not to forget, we climbed th pyramid thingy, etc. And moments later, off we go. Nothing much to elaborate about la actually. Doesnt matter what we did or didnt do, cause its th company that matter.

Towards th end, something unpleasant happened. But nevermind, shall not elaborate much about it. Thanks for th day anyway. Though it might be th last. Heh.

[:

Will be away to Malaysia for around 3 days. Balek kampong yo. Hoho. Cant wait. Th only sad thing is that there wont be any internet access. Boring much? Oh well, what can I say?

Anyway, might be busy next week. Hopefully by then, my field mentor will be around. 2 weeks of holiday left yet theres quite a number of things to do. Hopefully everything goes well.

Dont miss me. Haha.

:P

One day okay. I promise.

And Im wasting my time?

Seriously?

"When infatuated, we are thrilled, but not happy, wanting to trust, yet suspicious. There are lingering, nagging doubts about our “partner in infatuation” and their love for us. We’re miserable when they’re away, almost like we’re not complete unless we’re with them. Its a rush and its intense. Its difficult to concentrate."

Thanks to th SNAPP workshop, Ive been thinking about this a lot. What th speaker said & th presentation really got into my head, cause what they said really does make sense after all. Idk why, I just like talks about topics like relationship, etc cause it really interests me & I guess I do need it since I myself is confuse still with everything. Its always like "I know what I need to do but I dont wanna do it yet cause I believe there'll still be some little hope that can change th situation" kinda thing? It has always been like that. I realise that hope is a good thing, but it can be a bad thing too. Because when you hope, youre expecting something but you might not get it, therefore might end up with disappointment. Know what I mean?

Sometimes I wish that things werent this hard. Then again, I guess it all comes back to me cause Im th one who dont wanna move on. Its not really that I dont want to, but more to I just wanna try & work things out over again. And its simply because Im still hoping. But its really hard to be holding on, when theres no assurance at all. Theres nothing that he did to make me feel secure or to atleast make me feel assured that what Im doing now will be worth it. But then again, who am I to him? That, I have to remember.

Nevertheless, I hate this feeling. Its like Im just losing faith everyday since this uncertainty is just so over-whelming. Uh-oh.

:/

Hola hola tendang bola~

This weeks gonna be th last week of school. Yayness! 3 weeks of holiday, but I doubt its gonna be sufficient since theres so many plans lining up, plus all th stuffs that I need to do for my IA. Like all th lesson plans & learning resources. So wheres th holiday actually? Aiyoma. Nevertheless, I will be attached to a centre quite near to where I live & th centre is only like a few bus stops away? Pfft. Good la, no need to wake up so early & can save time and money on transport. But I dont like also cause its too near for me! I like to travel leh. Aiyoi. But nevermind, its gonna be for only like arnd 8 weeks, so shall just get it over and done with. It will be over before I know it. Hehe.

Anyway, my days have been great so far. Out with friends on Sunday. School as per normal on Monday but I wokeup late. Serious shit. Therefore, got ____ to send me to school & thank god I reached school in arnd 30 min's time. It was an important day anyway, so yeah. Thank you. And later at night, he 'saved' my day again cause I need to send smth urgently to my friend, therefore he sent me there again. Thanks once again. Hahaha.

Mummers knew about it and she was rather unhappy with th fact that I rode someone's bike. I mean like come on, be reasonable will you? Just because someone in my family has gotten into an accident before, doesnt mean th rest must be banned from riding a bike right? I know youre worried about my safety & such but seriously, why get so paranoid? If Im destined to die in an accident or what, I will die no matter what. Its just as matter of time anyway. Father himself rode a bike also & my mum is th pillion. So if they can, why not me? With her attitude like this, sometimes I feel like Im caught in th middle. Its like I wanna tell her what Im doing and such but I know what her reactions gonna be like, therefore I prefer not to tell. But if I dont tell & if something were to happen to me, it will be even worst. Get what I mean? Its like "bilang salah, tak bilang pn salah" kinda thing. Irritating. Thats th reason why I just dont like to confide in them or share anything with them cause I doubt they will understand. I know that they care as a parent but I guess there are some things that make communication between them almost impossible. Oh well. What can I do anyway?

Im aware of whats happening around me, like th things that I said before yet Im doing another thing now & such. Tell me smth new la okay. I know. Haha. But whatever? Im not going to hope or whatsoever still cause I myself know that my happiness usually dont last. Haha, so whatever la. Was just thankful for th past few days cause I am happy. Hehe. Lets just say, Im easily contented la okay?

[:

" You no nice! So fierce looking but fragile at the same time, you're a weird soul."

" I don't know. You're like an igloo, so hard to melt away on the outer but when the inner of you crumbles, the whole of you does. Just that you still stand strong even if a fire's coming to burn you down. That's what I feel."

" You're a weird soul indeed, you have so many layers within yet to be unwrapped yet but you'll be a delight once unwrapped. "

Hahaha, aww. My kinko is being so random. But I like her descriptions of me. Hehehe.

[:

1o hours straight spent with you. What more can I ask for? Thanks for th day & everything, though it was kinda scary. Haha, but its okay. Too bad we didnt manage to capture any pics due to time constrain. But nevermind, hopefully there will be another time like this. Hee.

Nevertheless, I shall not hope or expect anything.

[:

Hola hola.

Went to ECP on Sunday with Ms Audrey & few of my classmates for a cycling / blading session. Was supposed to be a class bonding thing but since most cant make it, we just make do with th 9 of us, plus another 2 of Ms Audrey's friends. Was supposed to meet at Mac at 2, lunched. But we reached there around 2 plus without lunch, so we went to eat lunch. Haha. Wait for th rest and off we go.

After much thinking, Izdi and I decided to blade. Whats th point of attending & learning to skate when I dont do it right? So yeah. It was not as easy as I thought cause th ground was rather rough, so theres friction I guess? And I think Im kinda noisy with all my screaming. Hehe, cause I fear of falling. Hahaha.

Cycled and blade to th bootcar sale there to look around. Scary la that place cause theres slope. Then theres this one time where Izdi & I went down th slope. Was super fast that we cant control th speed. Very seram! Thank god we didnt fall or what or it would be disastrous. Hahaha. Head to jetty to take picture & stuff, then returned th bikes and blades when 2 hours are up. Saw few familiar faces around there also. But th spoiling thing is that th wheels or bearings of my skates got stuck a few times while I was blading. So, I almost fell a few times but thank god, I didnt. Cause I wasnt wearing any form of guards or protections, so yeah.

Head to th upper part of th ECP to have dinner. It was very fulling I tell you. Haha, really. And Anati was very noisy with all her non-stop comments about th foods. But really uh, th food is great. Hehe. Lazy to elaborate more. Ms Audrey's friends dropped us at City Hall MRT & from there, we trained home. So, thats about it. Had a great day. I like. I want to blade / skate again. Hehe.

More pictures at facebook by the way. Hoho.

[:

Anyway, I guess Im feeling much better now. Was still confused by all that had happened but nevermind. No one care anyway, so why should I care so much?

Goodnight.

I cant explain why its not enough when I gave it all to you. Then again, there's no use in trying when the pieces dont fit anymore.

In other words, I give up.