Well, today marks th last day of th year 2012. And what can I say about my year? Frankly, I think this year was slightly better than 2011 & I thank god for that. My 2011 & all th past years has always been about heartbreaks, one after another & all unnecessary shit that I dont have to go through. And this year, although some things were still repeated & does exist still (and kinda extreme too), I guess I was more happier this year. Well, here are some of th unforgettable things that happened this year. (In no particular order)

1. It has been a long while since I had hours of conversation with someone I dont even know, and we can instantly click like we have known each other for years. To have th same mindset & thoughts, and clarify each other's doubts. And most importantly, someone who gave me so much confidence & boost my self-esteem, though I used to think that I was already confident enough. As well as to help me out through my difficult times over and over again. I am really thankful for your presence for that months that we were rather close, and I swear that I have never felt any better or anything like that before. Th kind of happiness & contentment inside, its just indescribable. Unfortunately, just friends is all that we can ever be cause I went against my own promise again, which I think is kinda expected. I admit, at some point of time, I did behave & act like a bitch. And for that, I apologise. Still, I really do appreciate your existence cause it has somehow made an impact in my life & because of that, you really are an awesome person in your own ways. Thank you so much, Hafiz.

2. Never in my life did I expect that a friendship that were once so close & seemed unbreakable could actually go down th drain just like that. All th miscommunication and deliberate hurting / accidental hurting, etc. It feels horrible, to feel like Ive lost a friend. To feel like I have nobody anymore, to feel like I dont even have a friend to turn to because of th same old shit that I just couldnt let go off & still wanna hold on to. Which sub-consciously, I shut everyone out. To lose a friend is really horrible. A friend that once were so close, which were made up of so much memories that could never ever be replaced. I guess time does play a part here & without realising, we just drifted apart & everyth else just happens. It really sucks, but what sucks even more is that I was too egoistic to even make th first move to make things better. Yes, I was egoistic. As much as I want to make things better, I just refuse to. But still, I am thankful that we were in talking terms now, though its kinda obvious that things were never th same / like how it used to be. I honestly missed all th times where we can just talk abt anyth and everyth in th world. Laughing at people / each other over th stupidiest things that only we could understand. I really missed th friendship that we used to have, and most importantly, I missed having you around Ateeqs. I do know that I have not been a good friend this year because of my priority & th shit that just happens, but nothing can ever replace th friendship that we used to have. 

3. Just like any other past years, this year was no different. I was still fed with constant lies & deceiving, and I guess I am still naive to be falling into th same goddamn hole over and over again. What sucks more is that th extreme has been done, which never in my life, I thought he could bring himself to do so. Then again, who am I kidding? Unpleasant memories + bruising + physical violence, etc. Made me question about my self-worth, which I do know that Im worth so much more than this. But Im just too stubborn & all that Ive ever want to do was to love him unconditionally. Prolly an obvious stupidity coming from me, but then again, whatever. No one can ever understand & Im not expecting that they could. Nevertheless, all these shit has made me a slightly stronger individual than before. I guess I wasnt as delusional as I used to be & I am fully aware of what Im dealing with. 

....

I just dont feel like reminiscing about all these anymore.