Just last night, you told me that you wanted us to be just friends. Nothing more. Which I believed, that you have been telling me since I dont know when, but just that my mind couldnt really process that info or probably, I just dont want to accept th fact. Yes, that was harsh. Th truth hurts, but its okay. I thought, we should probably do it your way. Maybe we would have discover something different then. So with that, I thought, I should probably treat you th same way as I did to any other. Th same level of attention. In other words, youre no longer a priority. Well, Im just a friend to anyway, right? Therefore, a friend I shall be.

Anyway, I decided to be honest & tell you that I went jogging with my sister's friend just now, which happens to be a guy. Not that hes someone that I just knew or whatever. Hes my younger sibling's schoolmate, as well as my ITE mate. And not to forget, hes attached as well. Not as though I dont know my limit. He is just a friend. Period.

Your reaction. I dont know if I should be mad or surprised or aloof about it. You sounded rather unhappy I guess, since you hung up on me a couple of times though Ive called again and again. Texts werent even replied, so I think youre mad, yes? Haha. And based on that reaction, I assume youre just jealous then, which is kinda a happy thing for me because it simply shows that you still care. Honest, I was confused with everything but I guess action speaks louder than words. Still, Im glad you didnt ignore me completely because if you do, its really unreasonable of you to do so. Im just a friend, afterall. You wanted this. So why th jealousy / insecurities, if theres even any? Still, whatever.

Youre so fickle-minded. Make up your mind.

How to go separate ways when we're not even together in th first place? How is that even possible?

And seriously, thats all you can say? Tsk.

"When infatuated, we are thrilled, but not happy, wanting to trust, yet suspicious. There are lingering, nagging doubts about our “partner in infatuation” and their love for us. We’re miserable when they’re away, almost like we’re not complete unless we’re with them. Its a rush and its intense. Its difficult to concentrate."

Thanks to th SNAPP workshop, Ive been thinking about this a lot. What th speaker said & th presentation really got into my head, cause what they said really does make sense after all. Idk why, I just like talks about topics like relationship, etc cause it really interests me & I guess I do need it since I myself is confuse still with everything. Its always like "I know what I need to do but I dont wanna do it yet cause I believe there'll still be some little hope that can change th situation" kinda thing? It has always been like that. I realise that hope is a good thing, but it can be a bad thing too. Because when you hope, youre expecting something but you might not get it, therefore might end up with disappointment. Know what I mean?

Sometimes I wish that things werent this hard. Then again, I guess it all comes back to me cause Im th one who dont wanna move on. Its not really that I dont want to, but more to I just wanna try & work things out over again. And its simply because Im still hoping. But its really hard to be holding on, when theres no assurance at all. Theres nothing that he did to make me feel secure or to atleast make me feel assured that what Im doing now will be worth it. But then again, who am I to him? That, I have to remember.

Nevertheless, I hate this feeling. Its like Im just losing faith everyday since this uncertainty is just so over-whelming. Uh-oh.

:/