Whatever that happened last night / earlier on hurts like a bitch. No, it hurts more than that, but definitely cant be compared to th pain that Ive inflicted on you. Th physical, mental & emotional pain, or any other kind of pain possible. And Ive said this over & over again, but I wont stop. Its clear enough that I cant stop but to blame myself for all that had happened & youre doing th same as well. To know how much you hate me for landing you in this state really feels like having a knife stabbing right through my heart for countless of times. It hurts. Its killing me. I know youre not gonna forgive me because I know how fucking mad you are with me right now, but look, Im really sorry. If theres anything that I could do to make it all up to you, I'll be more than glad to do so. Theres nth that I want more than for you to be well just like before, all happy & cheeky, just like how you always are. But I know things wont be th same anymore because these will definitely leave a deep scar & youre gonna get reminded of it over and over again, then youre probably gonna start blaming me for all these shit, and th cycle just go on. How could you even live around someone who has hurt you so deep?

Still, I will try my best. Its gonna hurt like hell, you pushing me away every single time & youre probably gonna act like I dont even exist. But its okay. Until youre well, Im not going anywhere.

I hope that your op will go on smoothly. Please stay strong just like how you always are. I know youre gonna be fine. InsyaAllah, you'll recover fast. Take care, please.

Sadly, that time of th month is here again & I swear Im in fucking pain right now. Miserable much? Theres nth much that I can do to ease th pain cause Ive been like going in & out of th toilet for like belasan times? Its like there something that I want to kluakn from my stomach, yet nothing is coming out. Ended up vomiting for no reason & I guess that my stomach just wanna throw something out, by any means. I still have th urge to go th toilet every now and then, and I have no choice but to just go, even if it means that I'll be just sitting on th toilet bowl, waiting for something to happen for god knows how long.

Obviously, I havent had any sleep since yesterday night cause my gum / th wisdom tooth area was in pain, therefore I cant sleep a wink cause I was kinda affected by it. And around 4-ish plus in th morning, found out that my period came. Though I was happy cause theres no need for me to fast, this is not what I wanted. I know I should have expected it since this always happen to me on my first day of menstruation. But having to suffer / endure it once every month is totally unfair. Not as though th pain was there for a while, but it can drag for hours. Sometimes I wonder why am I th one getting all these when some others can have their period normally? I know this is normal too, but if th cramp that I had was rather mild, then theres nth much to say uh. But mine being kinda severe to th extend that I cant even lie down still for even 5 minutes, like what th fuck can? It hurts so much to th extend that I can just cry while trying to bear with th pain.

Tell me what else can I do, seriously. I did consider trying to go for a check up to see whats wrong, but Im afraid that it will be a waste of money if th doctor only prescribe me with some medicine that I wont eat. Not because I dont want to, but I really cant. Serious shit. Id rather be injected for I-dont-care-how-many-times, rather than having to swallow all those nonsensical medicine. I see no purpose in doing so if whenever I tried, I'll just end up vomiting everything out. And bottomline? I didnt even swallow th pill. -.-

If it will hurt this much, then I dont even want to have a baby in th future. Someone told me that it will hurt more than what Im feeling now. Tsk. And if anyone thinks or feels that im exaggerating, then fuck you. You have no idea what it feels like & you dont know what Im going through. It may seem to you like "Alaa, cramp only". Try being in my shoes & we shall see if you can still smile while your womb area feels like it was being squeezed from th inside, with th muscle or whatsoever contracting continuously. Hah.

I seriously hope that this wont last long, though I know that it will continue for like a few more hours. And I guess theres nth much that I can do, other than to just bear with it. I swear, I hate period cramp more than anything in th world right now. And if theres anything that I can choose not to have in this world, then I'll choose for us females not having to endure or bear with this shit. But I guess on th other hand, it just show how strong we are? Cause Mike told me that guys cant really endure something as painful as this. So yeah? Thanks anyway for trying to cheer me up, though you did not succeed. Haha. See, Im being honest here atleast. Hahaha. I do feel rather paiseh _____ in front of you just now, though not literally. But what telah happen cant be undone I guess?

Nevertheless, The Expandables is fucking awesome. Another must watch movie, provided that youre already above 18. Im not in th mood to like really 'promote' this movie but yeah, just watch laa. Worth your money & time if you like action movie. Im dont really like action movie but seriously, this movie is really great.

[:

And for once, I think that my mum rocks. Hahaha.

Toodloons peepos.

Hello.

I did not go to school today cause my eyes were fucking swollen from all that stupid crying yesterday night. I dont even know whats wrong with me now. Some said that its obvious that Im kinda down nowadays. I guess I really am?

Thanks to all th bullshit that has been happening around me.

Ive guess Ive been rather sensitive & extra unreasonable recently.

I'll get unhappy over th littlest things & even when I said I wont be, I will.

So, whats wrong with me now?

As much as I tried to pretend that I dont fucking care about it, I cant.

Its very unreasonable of me to even feel this way cause like many have said, its nothing. It doesnt even mean anything at all & on top of that, we're nothing!

Youre not even my boyfriend. Im not your girlfriend.

So who am I now to feel that way, now that Ive found out about it? I dont even know why I even feel this way.

Still, how could you even do this to me when youve told me that Im th one that you love only?

=(

Sighh. Wont elaborate much cause obviously, its th same old thing.

Thankyou g-bestfriend. Thankyou close friend. Thankyou good friend.

Thankyou sape sape laa eh. Heh.

& why have I become so weak?

D:

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Had been busy these past few days with school assignments & stuffs.

But okaay jugak, cause my time are occupied.

Kalau tak mampos pat rumah, boleh mati kebosanan.

Hahaha.

Anyway, went to Din's house yesterday to try doing Pearl's assignment.

It was fun! But not that kecoh.

And loads of thanks to Din's mum who lend her helping hand & guidance.

:D

Also, we get to eat what we cooked.

One word ;

Satisfaction.

Hahaha. Hopefully, we'll get to cook it th same during th day itself.

Nyahaha. ^^

After all that has ended, th guys went to Din's room to do some monkey business.

Hahaha, gay meeting laa kn.

=P

Meanwhile, we had some chatting session with Din's mum.

It was okaay laa kn. Din's mum was not that bad after all.

Hahaha.

After that, th guys went off.

Dayana went to hantar Lisha first with Shalina.

I met Syafiq jap.

After that, trained to Vivo to just lepak-lepak & talk.

After yesterday, I felt waaaaaaaaay better.

Thanks to them.

:D

Nk kene buat gitu lagik seh kalau stress.

Nyahahaha! ^^

At around 11 plus, off we go.

:DDD

Im unreasonable. Im a nuisance. Im not understanding.

Im sorry for being so useless.

Im sorry that I was unreasonable.

Im sorry that I caused you nothing but trouble.

But from the bottom of my heart, seriously.

='(

Sedih siol.

=(

Dont Ask.

Hahaha, tak senonoh sungguh.

=P

Anyway, went to BoonLay cause theres a wedding ceremony.

Nothing much actually.

Kinda boring pasal tkd kene mengene dgn aku sangat.

Duduk pat uma nenek, sume tgk crite wrestling.

Tkd life sungguh.

-.-

To th pengantin, may you have an everlasting happiness.

:D

If I had my way, I'll never get over you.

=/