How could you forget one who gave you so much to remember?

Thank you for making my 2011 wonderful & a memorable one, despite th fact that th beginning was very sucky. I guess it has to end th same way as well then? You should know how very happy I am whenever Im with you, when Im next to you. Th happy feeling inside me which goes "yaaaaaaaay!", to know that we're gonna meet. Th teasing, th 'physical abuse', th jokes & laughter. Just everything.

I could never thank you enough & I hope you know that I really appreciate all that youve done for me all these while. Waking up early on days where youre supposed to be resting, just to send me to work. And that was just because I woke up late & which sometimes, I was just plain lazy to take th train / waste more money on cab fares. And I could never thank you enough for troubling yourself to fetch me from work or even wherever that I was at, although sometimes it was to your inconvenience.

Thank you for all th times where you actually tolerated my attitude & ridiculous behaviour. Im pretty sure it has always annoyed th fuck out of you, because thats what happened to me all th time when you did th same. But I guess, you chose not to give a fuck anymore whenever that happens because its easier that way. You dont & wont get affected by it. Easy isnt it?

Thank you for bringing me to places that I wanna go, although you may have been there before. We both know that we still have a list of places to go to, things that we wanna do together, but I guess we just have to forget all about it. It cant, and wont happen anymore. Just not possible, I guess? Sigh.

Despite all these, it kills me to know, to even feel like somehow, theres something missing. I dont know if its just me, that Ive been comparing with others or expecting how things should be like when we're together. Then again, maybe its not me. Maybe youre just too comfortable with how we are now, thus th mindset that you dont need to work anymore. I appreciate all your presence / you spending time with me, but I dont want it to stop just there. Even when we're not physically around, I wanted to feel like I could depend on you anytime, anywhere when I need it even if its over th littlest things. I should be thankful that theres still phone calls every now and then, but I hated how we stopped texting unless theres really something. What happened to th times where you just texted for nothing, just to ask how I was or what am I doing? Its still th thought that counts, because atleast it shows that I crossed your mind. It sucks, but its really a fact that one does stop doing th things that they did back then, when they tried to get someone. Harsh reality, yes? But I guess to you, its just too much to ask for. However, I am very thankful that when Im around you, its really just me. As in texts or whatever from any other girls will be entertained later on, which is I guess, a basic respect.

In all honesty, although I feel that I loved you more than you love me, I couldnt recall what Ive done for you. Maybe because I knew how much Ive done for you back then, like going all th way over to your school to wait for your training to end, etc. And precisely. That was back then. A thing of a past. But right now, this "new chapter", when we have managed to somehow fix things & got better together, when I think back, I really have to question myself if Ive done as much as youve done for me. Maybe not as much because I know how it'll always go unappreciated. In other words, 'once bitten, twice shy', sort of? Also, probably because of all endurance / perseverance / patience that Ive went through, just to hold on to this, it may seemed that my love is greater than yours. Maybe I just didnt realise that on my side, Ive taken you for granted as well & somehow, became more demanding. I expected a lot from you & feel that its okay to do that, simply because I wanted to see if you could make an exception for me, though it may wear you out. But I guess, people get tired one day & want to try something new / different. I do get tired as well, from all these holding on & expectations which at times, leads to disappointment. And its our fault. Mine, for expecting too much & yours, for giving me hope.

I'll definitely miss you & all th things that we used to do together. I'll miss how you'll always piggy back me down th stairs. I'll miss how you'll finish my food / drinks when you told me you only wanted some of it. I'll miss how we'll put our strength to test & wrestle each other (which you gave in to me most of th times because clearly, youre way stronger than I am). I'll miss how you'll buy food for me, just because I said I wanted to eat them. I'll miss how you'll randomly mess up my hair, just because you felt like doing so although you know very well how I dislike it. I'll miss plucking th hairs on your legs, just because I feel like doing so and you, wont even get mad at me though it hurts a tiny weeny bit. I'll miss sleeping on your chest, with our fingers interlocking one another's. You should know how safe, as well as happy I felt, whenever you hugged me tight. All your snorings which annoys th fuck out of me at times, yet I could still sleep soundly despite them all, it goes in th list too. I'll miss all th ugly faces you'll always make just to irritate th shit out of me, though sometimes, I felt that you still look okay with them. I'll miss how you always make me smile / laugh no matter how hard I tried to stay angry with you & vice versa. I'll miss you, Syafiq.

I could go on & on when it comes to this. Bottomline is, I'll miss you. So much & more than anything.

Its either one of us will regret that this happened, or we'll be glad that it did. I guess we decided to stop trying, probably because we both knew its just another cycle. Though you didnt say a word, at all, which upsets th fuck out of me because I hated when that happens, where Im blabbering whatever that Im feeling out yet you chose to ignore all that completely, Im still gonna thank you because maybe, you just wanna make things easy for us. So yeah. I hope we'll both be happy, though we both know its not easy. But if its not gonna work out anymore, then why even bother wasting our time trying?

I hope you'll be happy, just like how you always are. And I know you will be.