Whatever that happened last night / earlier on hurts like a bitch. No, it hurts more than that, but definitely cant be compared to th pain that Ive inflicted on you. Th physical, mental & emotional pain, or any other kind of pain possible. And Ive said this over & over again, but I wont stop. Its clear enough that I cant stop but to blame myself for all that had happened & youre doing th same as well. To know how much you hate me for landing you in this state really feels like having a knife stabbing right through my heart for countless of times. It hurts. Its killing me. I know youre not gonna forgive me because I know how fucking mad you are with me right now, but look, Im really sorry. If theres anything that I could do to make it all up to you, I'll be more than glad to do so. Theres nth that I want more than for you to be well just like before, all happy & cheeky, just like how you always are. But I know things wont be th same anymore because these will definitely leave a deep scar & youre gonna get reminded of it over and over again, then youre probably gonna start blaming me for all these shit, and th cycle just go on. How could you even live around someone who has hurt you so deep?

Still, I will try my best. Its gonna hurt like hell, you pushing me away every single time & youre probably gonna act like I dont even exist. But its okay. Until youre well, Im not going anywhere.

I hope that your op will go on smoothly. Please stay strong just like how you always are. I know youre gonna be fine. InsyaAllah, you'll recover fast. Take care, please.