Because currently, Im just unhappy and sad & just frustrated with everything. Its like youre really showing me whats my worth in your life & again, its simply nothing. I know & I really know, just that I cant accept this fucking fact, after all that had happened between us & after all that we've been through. So its my fault? Yes.

And if youre wondering, yes, I knew about it. Its th first thing that I know when I wokeup this morning & can you imagine what Im feeling? Was getting ready to go to work & all these just had to spoil my mood & everything and thus, th emotional breakdown. 5 pm till morning eh, tell me what can you two possibly do in a park? Having only each other around, tell me what is not possible? But Im even more disappointed in you cause it was your off day, yet you didnt even mention anything to me. From th day that you started working there, Ive been looking forward to your day off cause I was dying to spend th day with you. You ended work late everytime anyway, so I guess theres no time for me? Yes, Im having my attachment now & Im not free until evening, but theres always malam right? Its not as though youre not used to going out at night & come back home till late in th morning. And its just so heart-wrenching to know that you went out with her for arnd 8 fucking hours on th first day off that you have. Awesome much? When it comes to me, I will be like wanting to go here or there & you'll be like "jauh la. boring la." and all th whatever bullshit that you can come up with. Wahh, Labrador Park is VERY near right?

And you. I know who you are. I know how you will act around guys. And I know how "miang" you are. But you do know me. You do know who he is to me & you fucking know th fact that Im not over him still & I still fucking love him. So whats all these? There are many other guys around. Why him? I know youre dying, wanting to ride a bike. I know. But dont you think this is just... Sigh. Im just being unreasonable now. Who am I to him? Nothing. So I cant control who he wanna go out with right? Its his life, his freedom. He have every right to do so.

Really, sometimes I wish that you will just die. True that I'll be more emotionally disturbed than what I am now because you will be gone & never coming back, but at least I'll have a reasonable reason to be sad about anything that has got to do with you. Unlike now, which are just so unreasonable & petty of me. And at least, no other girls can have you other than me. Yes, I am that selfish. As much as others dislike it, I hate it even more.

Though I rant everywhere, be it here or at twitter, I know there will be times where I will go against my words because most of th time, my emotions took control of what Im feeling at th moment. Then again, does it even matter anyway? Cause at least, Im speaking my mind. On top of all these hoohaa, there are only 2 things that Ive been yearning for all these while ;

To be strong & to be happy.

Sadly, these two are nowhere near right now. So I guess I just have to live with it. And yes, I need to learn to face it. Face all these shits that has been happening in my life.

And most importantly,