So, I managed to pull through th past few days though it wasnt easy. But at times, I questioned myself. How long am I going to do this & remain this way?

Taking a long walk from wherever really helps, especially at times where Ive got lots of things on my mind. Those answers that I need to find, doubts not clarified & simply anyth else that occupies my mind at that point of time. I dont know why, but I kept wondering. How can one expect another to "chase / stay" when they are th ones who walkaway? I know in this case, action speaks louder than words. But what if, its not really how people expect things to be? Does it even make sense to stay / chase after th one who chose to leave? And if one still matters, why leave? Does not chasing / staying really means that th person no longer care? What if th person is simply hurt by all these? Obviously, these thoughts have been on my mind for th past hours. Then it struck me, how can I even expect him to chase / stay, during th times where I was th one who chose / decide to leave? It can either mean he really doesnt care, or he was just hurt by that, thus it might be better to leave things as it is. Th reason why all these suddenly crossed my mind was because I realised that th moment he decided to leave, th first thing on my mind automatically was to try as hard as I could, to make him stay. But I guess theres still a limit to one's patience & endurance. It was okay initially, but I guess after th constant pushing away & several "I dont want you anymore", this has got to stop.

If this is a test, I guess I failed. But I just dont want to do all these anymore. Why even bother to try when obviously, its no longer worth it?

So, I guess this is it. All th memories & future plans, burn. Well of course, we plan but th one whos gonna decide th outcome will be Him. And I believe this is for th best.

Deep down, I kinda hate th way he left. Putting th blame on me & making it sound like Im th bad one. But whats new? Th bad things that one has done will always be remembered more than th good / memorable / happier ones. Thats how it works, I guess? All it takes was one mistake, then poof. All gone, just like that.

And Im sorry that Im not around, like how I said I will be & as badly as I want to. Youre not making anything easy for me, so I guess its better to do it your way. But I know youre gonna recover well. Thats all that matters anyway.

Go on, boy. I'll be fine.