Honestly, I wasnt sure on how to react. I wasnt surprised, neither was I happy or even excited. And why wasnt I feeling either, Im not sure either. I think I was more to confused & unsure. Yeah, that was how Im feeling at that moment cause I wasnt expecting it at all, since we're not on talking terms. Till now, Im still doubtful. Were you even serious? Do you even mean what you said? I really need you to prove it.

I asked, "Do you even love me, honestly?" And you said that you do, just that you didnt show it cause you were afraid that I might cheat you. In fact, I was th one who was afraid & insecure that youre th one who might cheat on me. Cause its obvious enough that youre better looking than I am. So, why were you holding back then when I didnt? And I asked again, "Do you think that I love you?". You said no, cause I was attracted to your looks only. So I guess thats what you think of me all these while? That I 'love' you because of your looks? Tsk. How long can looks last? And honestly, you werent that good-looking back then, as compared to now. You knew that I fell for you around 5 years back. So tell me, did I really love you for you looks? You didnt look that good either when you were botak, but I still stick with you. In fact, you were botak 3 times while we were together back then. But I was still there till we broke up. And Im still here. Ive seen you at your worst & whatsoever, but Im still here. Remember how I keep telling you how I will stick with you no matter what, even if it means that youre cacat or whatsoever? I believe I can do that. So tell me, did I love you for your looks only?

Its funny how everyone else except you can see how very much I love you. I was willing to do anything for you, and still do though we're actually nothing now, literally. Things like going all the way to Simei after school just to meet you despite th fact that you will have rugby training, yet I waited so that we could go back together. Cause to me, its not what we're doing that matters. Its who Im with that counts. Setting my alarm clock just to give you wakeup call when you need one, though I dont need to wakeup early that morning. Accompany-ing you to wherever when you need some company & etc. If all these wasnt an act of love or whatever that has got to do with it, then what does it mean to you?

I know this is nth as compared to what you have done for me. Yes, I appreciated all your help for me & all that youve done for me. You were there at times when I needed help badly, in terms of financially or even serious helps. You did paitao some of your trainings which are one of your top priorities, just to spend time with me. You walked all th way to my estate, just to meet me. And at times even when youre tired after your training, you would still meet me. All these may mean nth to you, but these little things that youve done for me are th ones that I truly appreciate. I dont need you to present me with gifts or whatsoever when we meet. I dont need you to dress up nicely everytime we meet. I dont even need you to look perfect cause I love you just th way you are. And yes, I have to thank you for appreciating th way I am too cause youre th only guy who have seen me at my worst & dont really mind about th way I look, like how selekeh I always am when Im outside.

I have to admit that you can be considered as a patient guy cause youve tolerate many of my nonsense for th past 5 years. Indeed I was unreasonable most of th time, but so are you. We were both stubborn, not that understanding, selfish & many more. But we never really left as much as we claimed we wanted to, though we've split up several times. You see, you are a part of me & I really couldnt imagine not having you in my life. Not really literally though. As in I couldnt imagine if youre not alive anymore, cause as long as you still are, atleast Im assured that youre still around somewhere though youre not with or near me. Not trying to curse, but I can bet with you that I'll drunk myself in sorrow if youre not around anymore.

I need to stop blabbering now though Ive got lots on my mind. But I really hope that things between us can change for th better. I know we can, but it takes two hand to clap. If we both cooperate & really try, I believe we can be happy just like before, just like th times where nothing else really matters. We used to be so happy together, so what happened now? I admit that I cant really forget all th hurtful things that youve said & that had happened between us, but I cant forget our memories even more, especially you. No other guys ever mean this much to me other than you, and Im sure that youre aware of that. Its just that at times, I really dont know how to convince you anymore. And I do secretly wish that you feel th same about me too & if you really do, somehow you'll try showing it. But I understand that youre not th romantic sort, therefore I'll just make do with this. Been doing so anyway right? Now that I know part of your insecurities, I hope things will really change. Im sure we can do better than this. All we need is trust, faith & patience. I know its hard since we've gone through a lot but trust me, I'll never give up on us cause it would be a waste to give everything up just like that after all that we've been through.

So tell me. If all these isnt for th sake of love, then what does it mean to you?

And not to forget, havent I always loved you?