“
You will fall in love with someone for one night and one night only. They’ll come to you when you need them and be gone in the morning when you don’t. At first, this will make you feel empty and you’ll try to convince yourself that you could’ve loved this person for longer than a night, but you can’t. Some people are just meant to make cameo appearances, some are destined to be a pithy footnote. That’s okay though. Not every person we love has to stick around. Sometimes it’s better to leave while you’re still ahead. Sometimes it’s better to leave before you get unloved. You will fall in love with smells, the good and the bad kind. You will want to wear your lovers shirt because it makes you feel close to them and you’re okay with being that PSYCHO who is legitimately sniffing their shirt in public. You will fall in love with sweat, certain perfumes, the smell of the season in which you fell in love. This particular love smells like fall. It smells like Halloween and a roaring fire and leaves and fog and mist and candy and food and family and whiskey and sex and the lint that collects on sweaters. When it ends, if it ends, you will never experience another fall without thinking of him, her, it. The memories will stick to the ground like a mound of leaves and will only dissipate when the weather drops. This is where I’m supposed to tell you that you will fall in love with The One, a person who isn’t too cold or too nice. Their “O” face is perfectly fine and they’re not afraid to show how much they love you. This person is supposed to wait for us at the end of the twentysomething road as some kind of reward for all the heartache and loneliness. We deserve them. We’ve earned this kind of love.  ”

Maybe our relationship isnt as crazy as it seems. Maybe thats what happens when a tornado meets a volcano.

All I know is I love you too much, to walkaway though.

Its like knowing youre in this horrible relationship thats doing you so much more harm than good,  but you love them , so you stay, because it hurts too much to leave. Its too hard to do. Realise that I have this habit of walking off when Im mad / upset, but I guess thats not th wisest thing to do at times. Things could have different if I were to just stay calm & listen to whatever that needs to be listened to, instead of walking away just like that. But I guess that might be better, since I wouldnt want to just "explode" right there, in front of everyone else. I honestly dont understand any of these anymore. We both know that we're not together, but where certain things are concerned, it somehow affects us? Th things that we used to do, we're still doing it now. Like having me to choose what youre gonna wear when we're going out / wearing th same coloured clothes, etc. Its like nothing changes. True that we're probably more flexible now, but sometimes, this just doesnt feel right. And to be wanting to "leave" each other when we're not even together, how is that even possible? Maybe we're confused. Maybe we're still searching. Maybe we're still waiting for an answer or some changes to happen, so that we can finally decide what we really want & meanwhile, we're just settling for this just because we're used to this, so things were a little bit easier. Probably. I dont know if I should be glad that th same shit happened, which simply means that Im already used to it, which means that I would already know how it feels like to be going through that again, or be upset that its repeating over & over again. And I dont understand whats so hard about admitting to th "mistakes" that you did. Okay, not so much of a mistake cause nothing was going on in th first place. But to just admit that you lied & with th fact that Ive found out th truth, is there even a need to keep lying? I dont need you to keep denying & lying to make me feel good, because honestly, Id rather that you tell me th truth instead, even if its gonna hurt. Afterall, its just a matter of time that Im gonna find out whatever that youre trying to hide from me (which most of th time, you cant cause I'll always find out.). Even as friends, if you cant be straight up with your honesty, then how? How to expect me to even trust you in th long run, knowing that you have this tendency to lie over th littlest things, that could have been brushed off if you were to tell me th truth in th first place? Seriously, why make things difficult when this mess could've been avoided, if you were to think thoroughly before making any decision? Think of how it would affect others or make other people feel, and if you'd like it if th same happened to you? Whats so hard about that? Oh well, I guess theres nothing left to be said cause all will just be another repeat of whatever that Ive said before. Just when I thought I wouldnt be sad anymore because things were going on so well, this happened. Like they said, expect th unexpected eh? Hah. "Can you see yourself happy without him?"

Labels: tell me only if its real